You Better Not Be Drinking on the Job Again
There are sure personal conversations that inevitably (and sometimes awkwardly) brand their way into the workplace.
For example, yous might have to tell your dominate that y'all're vegan when they schedule a business lunch at your local steakhouse. Or, maybe yous need to mention that yous're color blind and have trouble parsing charts that are red and green (true story, my brother had to practice this).
Or you might accept to reveal during your visitor happy hour that y'all don't potable. This can exist an especially tricky situation, as alcohol is a pretty mutual role of socializing with co-workers, mingling at networking events, or coming together with potential clients.
There are plenty of reasons why you may choose not to beverage—religious reasons, personal reasons, health reasons, or a history of habit, or maybe you lot merely don't like the taste. Whatever the rationale, here's how to navigate it at work:
Have the Pressure Off Yourself
Ian Foster, an entrepreneur based in Alaska, hasn't drank since he was a teenager. When he travels for work, specifically when attending booking conferences for music tours with his business partner, he's constantly turning down offers for drinks.
"These are people I desire to impress and I desire to like me. They're people that information technology's of import to socialize [with], considering they're not just looking at the ability of my craft, they're looking at the way I get forth with other people," he says. And his starting time business concern when he mentions he doesn't drink is that people will think he's non fun.
Kate Campion, blogger and founder of My Sweet Home Life, felt similarly later she stopped drinking: "It was really harder for me when I get-go stopped drinking and had to go from being the political party girl at my workplace to the i who was getting sober. I really had no option at the beginning than just to say 'no' to all things until I was comfortable treatment situations involving alcohol."
Having to bring upwards something as personal as choosing not to drinkable in front of your colleagues can be incredibly daunting. There's a fear, as Foster described to me, that you bring less to the table. Or, that people will hold your past against you or coerce you to participate, equally was the case with Campion.
However, many of the people I spoke with emphasized that while peer pressure isn't uncommon, it's ordinarily a lot less nowadays than you'd think.
"I think a lot of people go into these situations thinking y'all accept to drink in order to become part of the 'in' crowd," says Foster. "That's such a lie—because I've had so many people who give me a hard time in the moment...just they've all come back and said, 'I respect that.'"
Foster goes on to mention that non only practice people respect his conclusion, but they're also more inclined to trust his character and sentence: "They know I'm always going to be sober and I'thou always going to be clear—if something needs to happen they tin trust my intellect to handle information technology."
The point? You're probably putting more pressure on yourself to participate than others are putting on you. So stick to your guns and go in confident that in the end nobody really cares whether or not you drink.
Practice What You lot'll Say
Of course, pressure yet exists, and beingness able to handle information technology is important—for your health and for your work relationships.
"I think it'southward and so individual," says Kelifern Pomeranz, Psy.D., a clinical psychologist based in Silicon Valley who both specializes in habit and is a non-drinker herself. A lot of how much y'all share depends on your company culture, she says. Do you unremarkably share personal details with your director or co-workers? And, do you lot feel comfortable doing so?
Often Pomeranz will role play with her clients to practice how they'll tell their stories and how they should handle various responses. Doing this can have the pressure off in the moment and help yous stand your ground when someone broaches the subject. And y'all don't have to give all the details, she adds. Information technology can be as simple every bit maxim "I don't drink" or politely declining their offer.
Foster usually picks this strategy when meeting with business organization contacts: "I'm non trying to sell out or arrive sound like a negotiation, so information technology's important to be house with information technology."
When someone offers him a drink—in one instance he described, a woman basically shoved it nether his nose—he declines. But "I smile and I thank them, and I thank them sincerely," he adds. Drinks are expensive, he explains, and then he understands the person is making a overnice gesture and that's worth acknowledging. "And then I quickly move on to something else. Like, 'How well-nigh this karaoke, isn't this crazy?'"
No affair your situation, says Pomeranz, you have the correct to cull whether you tell your story. Having a line in your back pocket such equally "I used to drink and I choose not to now" or "I don't like the taste of booze" or "I take to drive dwelling house" may be all y'all need to get people to modify the topic.
You tin fifty-fifty inject some humor to keep the conversation light, as Rob Lewis—who works in sales at an equipment rental company and decided to cease drinking altogether presently afterward a work mishap several years ago—suggests. "My usual response is something goofy like, 'The earth can't handle me sober, so imagine if I was drunk.'"
In short, you don't owe people annihilation—and then don't be afraid to turn them away. "People that are actually in your face most information technology aren't respectful of you and your choices," says Campion.
Take an Alternative Plan in Identify
Sometimes, it may not make sense to explain yourself—or, information technology does but the explanation even so isn't convincing the person to exit you alone.
Many of the people I spoke with agreed that when this happens, information technology's best to accept some kind of backup plan in identify. Maybe that ways ordering yourself a seltzer or water and so people see something in your manus and are less likely to bring it upwardly. Or, you tin can offer to exist the designated driver and then it's understood why y'all're not drinking.
"[I]f I was in some bad-mannered situation where not accepting a drink would raise flags, I would consider taking it but leaving it on the table," says Campion.
Some people are perfectly comfy being around co-workers who drinkable or going to events at bars. Just others may non exist.
"If you feel triggered past others drinking booze, do what you demand to exercise to take care of yourself," says Pomeranz. "You can accept frequent breaks from the situation if needed, spend your time around other co-workers who don't drink or minimally drinkable, and get out the event early on if y'all absolutely cannot tolerate it." And, of course, you can always choose not to get to an upshot birthday every bit long as information technology'south not mandatory.
Discover Activities and Places That Don't Require Drinking
Take advantage of those moments during the day when drinking is definitely not involved to get to know your co-workers in a more comfortable setting. Go on coming together walks, or catch coffee or tiffin with private colleagues.
Outside the part, there are plenty of other options for squad bonding.
When attending conferences, he encourages his colleagues "to go and do something fun like go-karting or something that takes us out of that bar environment," says Lewis. Or, he'll only suggest hanging out at a restaurant, where food is equally the focus—and "where more or less [your colleagues] feel embarrassed if they get drunk in that location."
Many companies also provide sports leagues and clubs for employees to join to get to know each other. But if in that location's null in identify, "make it happen—starting time your own thing," says Foster. Get a small grouping together that loves to read and create a book club. Or, have your team to an escape room challenge. Or, as we practice at The Muse, gather a few folks together on a Fri nighttime to play lath games in the office.
The key is to find something that feels similar a safe space for anybody, says Campion: "Sure people might be drinking at some of these, but information technology'due south not the focus."
Pay it Forward
As someone who knows what it's similar to be a non-drinker at work, you take the ability to change your visitor's civilisation to be more inclusive.
"People'south reasons for non drinking are very personal. So I ever give people the same respect that I'chiliad hoping to get myself," says Foster. This means that just as he doesn't like people prying into his reasons, he doesn't dig too deep into others'.
Many companies also don't think to organize activities effectually those who don't drink, so if you're part of your company'south social committee or know people who are, "you can aid bring in some more than activeness-based functions that don't revolve effectually drinking," says Campion.
You may feel alone in your situation, simply you might be surprised to detect that others are in a similar boat. If annihilation, some colleagues might appreciate the opportunity to become to know their teammates sans alcohol.
The truth is—and you know this—merely because y'all don't drink doesn't mean y'all tin can't still socialize and bail with your co-workers.
If input from these employees isn't enough to convince you otherwise, but call up that 100% of your time together in the office is alcohol-free (I'd hope), and that time can exist only every bit valuable as any happy 60 minutes.
Mainly, be yourself and do what makes you lot near comfortable—people volition ultimately respect and admire yous for it.
Source: https://www.themuse.com/advice/how-to-socialize-at-work-dont-drink-alcohol
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